Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I need a beard to bite.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
