his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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