R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I party with great urgency now.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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