You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
so let's talk penis.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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