i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
