Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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