Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
