they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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