Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
