I think scott just propositioned me for sex
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
