Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
