New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just want to make out with him forever
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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