i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
