When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
