Have you finally orgasmed yet?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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