doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
