where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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