The maid of honor just puked.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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