I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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