how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
