I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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