I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
