I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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