Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
