My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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