her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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