This dress was meant to end up on your floor
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
