Do you still have your period?
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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