she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
