I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize