his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
