so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
