Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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