My brain says no but my pants say off.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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