On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
