All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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