My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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