so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
