Im at strip club and am horny
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
