just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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