just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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