I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
