I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
