11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
