I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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