I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I can text with my tongue
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Never underestimate the power of titties
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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