I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
