He uses pillows to masturbate.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
