i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You are the jesus of drinking
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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