First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
do herpes really smell.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
